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So today I sat my six year old cousin down to explain to her why, as a white person, she is a sack of oppressive trash. I figured it would go smoothly and easily and that she would fully understand why she deserves to be hated, because it’s really not a difficult concept to grasp, but unfortunately it was more tumultuous than I had imagined.
“Whiteness is narcissism.” I told her. “As a white person, you are naturally selfish and inevitably racist. Your happiness, which is built upon centuries of misery, is harmful and disrespectful to others.”
In response she said “I’m not racist!” So I was like “Ugh fuck you yes you are.” At that point she tried to tone-police me by telling me it “wasn’t nice to swear,” but I wasn’t going to let her try to stop me from telling her what she needed to know.
“You are inferior. You are weak and spoiled because your life is easy, so PoC have the right to say or do anything they want to you. You owe them for their suffering at the hands of your people, so always remember that you and your voice and actions are always less important than theirs.”
She stared at me and seemed really confused and instead of agreeing with me like a decent person she decided to question me again. “But shouldn’t people just be equal?” she said.
“Fuck no. You lost the chance for equality when your ancestors committed genocide against the Native Americans and enslaved a race of innocent people. Didn’t you learn that in school? Your race is a race of evil and the damage they have done can never be repaired.”
Again she seemed dissatisfied with my assertions and, showing the typically self-centered narcissism of a white person, said “But I wasn’t even born back then! That wasn’t my fault!”
It was at that point that I nearly lost it and began to shout rather loudly at her. “Fuck your whitesplaining! It doesn’t fucking matter - you and all other crackers owe PoC the equivalent of the slavery and genocide your ancestors brought upon them! By the way, when a PoC’s talking to you about racism, you should shut your mouth and listen because it’s not about you, you shitty worthless little cracker!”
Through her pathetic display of white woman’s tears, she asked me what I meant by “cracker” and I explained that it was a word specifically used to insult white people. Then she said “But isn’t that racist too?”
Not able to deal with her damaging ignorance any more, I slapped her across the face and told her the world would be a better place if she just hanged herself. I couldn’t say any more because that’s when she ran up to her room, boo hoo-ing and crying her white tears because I hurt her delicate fee fees.
But hopefully some of that got through to her and she’ll be a better, less oppressive and less racist person as a result of our talk. It’s good to know my activism will one day lead to the improvement and progression of society.